Yesterday I was told that the reason a person likes me is because I am real. I don’t sugar coat or try to pretend I am just real. That complement brought mixed feelings. For so long people have told me that I need to soften myself and not say everything I think or feel yet at the same time that is what others like about me, so I find myself asking which do I listen to?
I decided to listen to the voice within myself that is real. I am a real person I don’t really know how to be fake. Can I be fake? Yes, but I feel more hurt for those I am fake with because really this does no good. Being real however leads to possible heartache. In the last year I have had this reality hit in ways I wasn’t prepared for. I had numerous people claim to be my friends and love me who quickly changed their tune over various things. My point in writing this is to clarify what friendship really means.
Friendship is about accepting people as they are. The good, bad, and indifferent make up who a person is. Most people are trying to become their best selves, but that doesn’t exclude being human and making mistakes. This is where friendship takes over and allows you to be there for the person whether or not you agree with their choices or actions.
Friendship is about setting aside your personal agenda. When someone hits a rough patch and needs a shoulder you are there. It isn’t about rescuing them and fixing all their problems for them, but listening to them with out bias and judgment. Sometimes you are inspired or know what to say and other times all you can do is let them know you are there with open arms and without strings.
Friendship is about forgiveness. Sometimes people make mistakes. It is usually through these mistakes that we learn. It is in these moments of weakness that we learn to forgive others because sometime they just don’t realize what they are doing. Misunderstandings will happen in friendships, but with forgiveness misunderstandings become jokes and memories.
Friendship is about truth. How many lies do we tell in a day? For me if someone I am not good friends with nor really want to be around asks me to do something I usually come up with something “I am doing.” Really I lie because I don’t want to. In a friendship it is about being honest about ones values, ideas, opinions, etc. Even when sometimes the truth hurts we still use it because to lie to a friend is a hard thing to overcome.
Finally friendship is about being there. When you know that someone is struggling reach out. A phone call, text, fb message, email, or whatever so that person knows that hey I am aware something is up and I am here if you need me. It isn’t just about convenience, but really being there for someone in their moments of need.
Am I the perfect friend? Not always, but I try to do the best I can. Friendship is something I take seriously. This means that I strive to do what I can to make a lasting friendship, but something that I have realized in the last year is that friendship is not one sided. If it seems to be so then it isn’t a real friendship and it is best to break the strings that were attached to the friendship. I am real, I am me, and that is all I can be. If you want something more or less then it is best to let go and dissolve what you thought was a friendship.
