God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

This is sums it all up.  

Fianlly at Peace

I’m not sure if I am the only one who has ever found that a song describes exactly how you feel or is the message you needed to hear so you could take the next step in your life. Well for me I found a theme song for my life a year ago. When I was really struggling it is what gave me strength and understanding. Yes there have been other songs, but I think this one captures really my life. Let me explain. The song is I’m Movin’ On by Rascal Flatts. Along with their lyrics I will show you how it fits personal. I hope by doing this I can truly move on.


I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I have gone through my life always wondering about the decisions I have made. If I made the decisions because they were right or fear is what led me down that path. Although there are still parts that I don’t really know I know that the decisions I have made have led me to where I am today and that is where I am suppose to be. I also know that there are people who are in my life who don’t agree with who I am, the way I do things, or with what I plan to do, but truth is I am. You see I use to believe that a strong personality, being blunt, and not taking the backseat to problems was my weakness however I have found that is my strength. I am over listening to the people of my past try to cut me down. From this point on if you can’t support I’m movin’ on.

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I moved to Utah when I was nine and I do know all the faces. This doesn’t mean everyone looks the same, but they always behave the same. Intentions are always coming from the right place, so they tell me, but I can’t change to become a person I am not meant to be. You may think it will give me greater strength, but the truth is I won’t be happy unless I am me. This is why next year I will be moving from Utah. Now let me clarify that I have amazing friends in my life who encourage me to be me, but I need to leave for a time so that I can see there is nothing wrong with me. My friends and family who are really there and support me will be the part of home I carry with me.

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I can’t continue to look down on myself or constantly question everything I am because by doing that I am stunting my progression. I may get to my destination and fall hard on my rear, but I know that I am supported and loved so I will get by. I can’t hide nor do I want to fear what lies ahead for me anymore. You see I know what I am capable of becoming not only for myself, but for others and I can’t continue to let life pass me by waiting for the fear to go away. I am who I am for a reason and that reason is because I can support others in a way they need me to. So the past is gone. The hurt is healed. My future is ahead so I will stop looking back. I am who I am and I no longer afraid of the cost it brings. People will come and go in my life, but that means they are just fixtures placed in my life for a time. The people who stay in my life are my foundation that cannot be destroyed!

Call me a Bitch!

It amazes me what people feel they can say to me or about me.   I use to trust people and believe that when people said they were your friend, loved you, believed in you, etc it meant that they were truly being there for you and had you best interest at heart.  However, time and time again I find myself mistaken.  This is my last rant and last defense of who I am.  After this point I am no longer going to because there is no reason for me to.

First I am blunt.  There is nothing wrong with me being blunt.  I am not mean blunt nor do I saw things that are hurtful.  Why then do people find them hurtful?  Probably because you know that whatever I am saying has truth and the truth can suck sometimes. 

Second I am not heartless.  I actually have a really big heart.  I am there for people over and over again.  I fight for others rights.  I am supportive and I will bend over backwards to be there and do what ever is needed.

Third I am not a bitch.  This is such a bull label that people put on those with a strong personality.  I do have a very strong personality and I am not ashamed of it.  I actually really like it. With my strong personality I am able to do things others cannot. 

Fourth just because I am a strong person doesn't mean that I don't have feelings.  I do have feelings and what you say that is negative towards me does effect me.

I don't lie to you and I would appreciate the same respect.  If you can't then I understand, but don't be surprised when I stop being there.  I am not a door mat nor am I willing to be kicked.  I refuse to be a victim, apologize, change, or do what you think I should because it makes you more comfortable.  If you can't respect me, support me, and love me as I am I ask for you to walk away now because I deserve better.