Refining Time

Life has a way with changing more often then wanted. All we can do is do what we think is right. I know one day I will be held accountable for everything that I have done, said, or thought. I can't change the past and actually I wouldn't. I made mistakes and there were things that I haven't been proud of, but I have learned and repented. I refuse to go through this life with any regret.

So I know that seems a little weird to start a blog with, but I just need to vent/let go. I had to do something hard this week. I hadn't planned it or thought about it until it happened. When all factors hit me all at once I had to make a decision. In the process it upset, maybe hurt, another person. For that I am sorry, but for my decision I'm not.

I've noticed that along the process of trying to figure out my life I have lost parts of who I am. I let standards go, changed my personality, and put myself, for the most part, on the back burner. By doing this my life became harder and not my own. I've decided enough is enough and to refine(change) my life and who I am.

I love being happy. It is an amazing feeling to have true joy and peace in your life. When you are feeling guilt for feeling joy and peace something isn't right. Honestly that is what I have been feeling for a while. It didn't help that the happier I got the more it seemed to be a bother to others or where it seemed to distant me from who I once was or where I once belonged

I don't blame anyone for it. It's my life and I take complete responsibility for it. For so long however I have feared my life changing, I haven't wanted to truly let myself be happy or who I know I am, but that was then and this is now. I am going to be me. If that means that things aren't going to be the same. Then that is what will have to be.

This change isn't new. I have been being refined since my mission. Now it is just up to me to follow through on what was started. So why write this? This blog is to show the things that make me me and this is one of them. I am open and honest with how I feel and this is what I feel. It isn't me blaming or saying something about anyone. It is about me making the decision to allow the refining to be part of my life.