Think twice to speak once

"Do you like your job?  You don't seem very chipper?"  This was said to me today and my response was I am sorry.  The person walked out of my lobby and my eyes filled with tears.  I sat stunned at the fact that a person could say two sentences full of so much judgment when they had no idea what I was going through.  Was I mean? No, but I wasn't overly chipper and smiling.  For about thirty minutes this continued to stew making my eyes stay filled with tears. Even now as I write this there are tears in my eyes here is why..

"In the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can't see" although my world seems to be perfect on the outside there is an inner sorrow that everyone doesn't see.  I carry it locked inside because it is a sorrow I must go through.  It isn't going to kill me or be something that is a big deal to most, but for me sometimes it effects my ability to be the happy out going me.  Today was one of those days I needed the compassion that wasn't there.

So I continued to stew until again that sentence came into my mind with the remainder of lyrics; "In the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can't see.  Who am I to judge another Lord I would follow Thee."  Chances are the person who said this is having just as hard of a day as I am and knowing how much this hurt I decided not to say anything.  I still wish this person would have thought about this before they said what they said, but then to follow in the Lord's footsteps I need to forgive and let it go.

I know there are days where I am not the nicest person or I could have not said something, but I cannot go back and change that now.  So for me this has become my motto "sometimes we make judgments and say things we cannot take back without knowing more that what we see so think twice to speak once before the words you say can never be taken back."

Is Nothing Really Something?

In a recent article I read the question popped into my head is nothing really something?  Is nothing really someone else's something?  Before I continue with my thoughts here is the article.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/krulwich/2012/03/12/148456099/two-ways-to-think-about-nothing



This article addresses two types of nothing: one that we see as nothing because it doesn't appear to be like other things around it and two something that was, but then gets taken away.  Here are my thoughts on these two nothings.

See nothing because it doesn't appear to be like other things:  How many times in our lives have we felt like we are nothing in comparison to those around us.  I know for me I believed this for the majority of my life.  I was never as skinny, as pretty, as popular, as gentle, etc.  Truth is just because I wasn't like everyone around me did not make me a nothing.  There is so much that makes me something.  My whit, my attitude, my love, my passion, my compassion, really everything about me makes me something even if I don't look the same as the worldly something!

Something that was, but that gets taken away: In our lives there is always something that we cherish and loose.  Sometimes we have pictures or something to remind us, but if all we have is a memory without a physical thing does that make it nothing?  They happened so they're something whether there is proof or not they occurred. 

This also has me thinking about my choice of career.  I will be working with children who have encountered abuse.  It is possible that all signs of the abuse to the worldly view is gone, but the child knows what they experienced.  To the average person there seems to be nothing there, but to those who know what occurred know can see what is missing.  However, now my question becomes can you truly erase something so it becomes nothing?  What adds value to something? Who determines this value?

My response and thought is this: nothing is something we cannot add or subtract value from.  It is something to someone so we cannot dictate a value.  There is more to nothing than just nothing.  Think when a woman is upset she says its nothing, but really it's something.  We value something as nothing to us, but it is something to someone else.  I know this may be confusing, but for me it changed my perspective on nothingness.

Life is but a dream....

There are moments when I am sitting in the quiet stillness and I have to remind myself that this is reality not just a dream.  Yet tonight as I was pondering my life and the events that are unfolding I decided life is but a dream.  I am living my dreams.  Every goal I set is a dream and luckily I live in a world where I can achieve my dreams. 

In April I will be graduating UVU with my bachelor's degree in Deaf Studies.  This was not my initial dream, but it has given me everything I have dreamt about having.  I have found a greater appreciation for myself through the Deaf Studies and I have even found a greater appreciation of diversity, languages, and various perspectives.  It is also through this program that I was able to find my next dream and get excited for the next reality to step in.

I do not know where I am going or what will occur, but I do know my life truly is but a dream I want to keep living!!!