Oh Bother.....

So I dislocated my knee again. This makes it two on the right knee. I had surgery and yet it still went out. I think the way it was pushed is the reason why it went out. It seems that I forget that I am human. I push myself in everything I do to the limits and just know that I can do it because I know who is helping me. This is fine, but then a trial like this happens and I don't know why. Is it a test of strength? endurance? faith? patience? or is it to remind me that I am human? I really have tried to stop asking why in my life when things don't seem to go the way I want them to, but yet it is there this time.

There are quite a few things that have been hitting me recently and I am torn. Part of me has pride or is jealous where the other part is relying on the Lords timing. I truly am trying to have the faith, but I can't get my head and my heart to agree on anything. How is it that we come to have both head and heart agree? It use to be easy, but the more I try the harder it is. Maybe thats the answer to quit trying and just do it. Maybe that is what the Lord is trying to get me to understand is just rely on Him and do what I can. It sounds so easy yet I am struggling with it. The more I think about it the more I see His reassurance. I guess recently I have been too head strong to see His hand and reassurance in the desires of my heart. I keep thinking if I only did more, if I could get it to go this way, or maybe if I changed, but Heavenly Father is telling me I am fine. That I am doing what He needs me to do and that blessings are coming I just need to hold on to my faith.

Wow I think my Heart and my Head finally agreed. It amazes me how just writing something out or talking about it things click. Sometimes I just need to get out of my head. I sometimes forget to enjoy life not just live it. I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and that He never gives up on me. I am even thankful for the trials that I am having because they center me and put me back where I need to be!