Idiot to Finding Myself in less then 24 hrs

Alright so I started to write about how big of an idiot I was, but it turned into something more. You see the last little while I have had three experiences that have hurt or left a permanent mark. One was a friend blowing up at me and two were about mislead communication. I wanted to write about how stupid they were and how it was all their fault, but I found myself once again. This time however, I noticed important facts that I had forgotten until now. The first is what love is to me:

Love is a funny thing. Love means to me never having to say your sorry, fighting together not with, seeing someones whole self and knowing there is nothing you would change even if there are flaws, believing that you can let go of the edge because they will always have your hand, and most importantly love is wanting the other person to be happy even if it means without you.

I understand that now because I have truly been blessed to love a few people in my life in such away that was selfless. I could have been happy with three separate guys, two found something better, and one was just not meant to be. I loved them enough to let it go and not hate them for not choosing me.

The second thing is:

You cannot live this life without pain. Without experiencing pain, sorrow, trials, and tribulations you will never experience love, happiness, healing, and blessings. You must have both to truly experience life. Although we want to protect ourselves from pain we actually end up putting ourselves through more. I did this for years. I protected myself, but in the long run I found I caused more damage then good. I am over coming this every day and that is what life is about. Over coming the moments that knock the breath out of us and enjoying the moments that take our breath away!

The third thing is:

No matter what I have been blessed to experience love. True it hasn't always worked out the way that I wanted it to, but I have been lucky to say I have had a chance to love in this life. Yes I am going to be twenty-five and more then anything I want to be married and become a mother. Will this happen? I believe it will, but when I have no idea. But if I look in an eternal perspective I will see how wonderfully lucky I am to have loved and lost then never to experience love at all. Better yet because of this love I am more able and willing to love my friends and family in such away they will never question if I love them or feel as if they have lost my love.

Overall no matter what is happening in my life right now I know it is going to be okay. Yes I can be sad, mad, or ready to kill, but it is but a moment before I realize the greatness of it all. Trials come into your life and it is up to you to decide what to make out of it a heap of crap or a chance to get a little higher off the ground. I feel my heart healing from the recent pain. Although I do not know how easily my heart is ready to try again I do know it will.