Mistake

I woke up this morning to four teenagers in the hot tub. At one o’clock in the morning I wanted to kill them, but as the time progressed I realized they were just being stupid kids and I felt bad for them. Sometime while I was dealing with all of this my heart stopped and I realized that I had broken my heart. I was standing outside in the rain when I watched a car pull in. It was him and right then my heart sank and I was ready to cry. I couldn’t though because the cops would have been a little confused, but trust me as soon as I got home I did. I knew this was going to be hard, but I didn’t realize it would hurt this bad.



It sucks that we can’t force life to happen the way that we want, but we can decide to screw it up. I will be fine. My friends keep telling me it will be fine and it was a good thing, but if this is true why does my heart hurt so badly? I lost a great friend. Then there is my family, well my mom, who pulls me to the perspective of why would I do something so stupid? I love her. She then proceeds to tell me why. I guess I am the screw up everyone thinks. I can’t undo what I did. There is no way to fix it so now I must live with the consequences. I should have listened better. I should have thought longer. I don’t want to live with regrets so eventually I will understand this, but for now my heart hurts. I can’t force it to not feel or to forgive me for causing it pain.