I'm Movin' On

There comes a time in everyones life where they decide enough is enough in certain circumstances. We can't wait for other people to change to become what we want or need them to be, but we can change our hearts and see past the haze. Life has been hard these last few months. Harder then I thought they should be or then I could handle, but I was wrong. These last few months were exactly what I needed to find me again.

We all start out with good intentions and wanting to find others to help us grow. If we aren't careful we end up shrinking or becoming a completely other person. No one intends to become negative, dark, or ornery, but it is something that happens over a span of time. This happened to me and the harder I thought to fight the more it engolfed me. I can't blame anyone else for the decisions I have made in my life or what I became because I chose to.

We all choose how we react or what we let into our lives. Yes it is difficult to keep certain things out, but really we can as long as we try. I am grateful for the LDS mission that I served because it was there that I say what I had become and who I really was. A friend of mine recently wrote a paper about this exact subject. We loose who we were and become someone different without really noticing it until it is brought to our attention or it is to late. She compared us changing to a frog being boiled. If you put the frog in hot water right of he is going to jump out of the pot, but if you put him in cold water and gradually warm it to the boil he will die. That is how we are in our lives. We can put off sin especially "big" sins, but if we aren't careful all the "small" sins make us comfortable to the point we don't see the moment where we become "cooked".

Even if we jump out of the pot before we are completely "cooked" we still have the memories and the regrets. Sometimes other "frogs" are trying to talk us back into the pot because they are still not seeing what is going on. We have to make the decision for ourselves what we want to do. We have to slowly move on and find who we truly are.

I love the Rascal Flatts song "I'm movin' on". We will all face this truth that we need to let go of the past regrets, pain, sins, sorrow, etc. so we can move on to become who we are. We can hang on to things and end up holding ourselves back, but once we decide to let go we move on. My life has a past I don't regret it or look back on it with any negavitivity. My life has a present that I want to live in. My life also has a future and I am going to wait patiently for it to come.

The Power of I LOVE YOU!!!!!

So this weekend brought sad news. Two people that I had met on my mission returned to their Heavenly Father. Both were unexpected and tragic losses. As I have reflected back on this I thought about others in my life and I wondered if I have told them how I feel about them. We truly don't know how long others or ourselves have on this earth so shouldn't we tell them everyday? I think the biggest regret are the words we wanted to say, but we didn't.

There is so much power in the statement I love you. When someone is down it can and will lift their spirits. If they feel alone it will help them to feel someone else by their side. It dries tears and sometimes creates them. It is the greatest way to over come hate. Love is what gives us hope admist our deepest darkness.

I am grateful for the experiences that I have had with love. Family, friends, and strangers have all shown me love and I am better because of it. It is what I clinge to in my hardest moments and what I cherish every moment and chance I get. I still remember the moment that I realized that love is more then just words, but still needs to be spoken. I was talking with my Mission President and I told him how much I loved the Elders I was serving around. He looked at me and smiled then we talked about how they wouldn't be able to know exactly how much I loved them because of all they did for me. It was also the same reversed. I wouldn't ever know fully how much they loved and appreciated me. I reflected back on my mission, kept it in mind through the remainder of my mission, and even use it now. Sometimes we love others so much and they need to hear the words, but they will also remember the actions that showed them how deep the love went.

Love can move mountains, create a home, save a life, and heal a broken heart. It is why we were brought to this earth and how we will return to our Heavenly home. It is something so powerful that we should share it with everyone that we have in our lives. So today and everyday let those who are in your heart know exactly how you feel because what were to happen if they weren't there tomorrow? Would they know? Could you live with not knowing if they did? I know I couldn't and so that is why I won't take love for granted anymore. If you are reading this know that I love you and am grateful for everything you have done for me in my life!!

So as I sat in my office this morning my attention was brought to our current status in America. I know that things are rough and not going as we all would like it to, but I find myself surprisingly at peace. I am not naive about everything going on I am just holding on to the promises that Heavenly Father has made. Prophesy has been given of our day and time. We know that things were going to get rough. We are being prepared for the Second Coming so why fear?

We have been given the tools to get through these rough times, but it is us who have chosen to ignore or to procrastinate that counsel. We are told to stay out of debt, have a food storage, get an education, pay our tithes, and live worthy of the covenants we have made. If we are working on or having these with a sincere heart the Lord knows and will help us. It doesn't mean life won't be hard or have its trials. Oppostion in all things, but it means that we will have the reassurance and strength to get through the task at hand.

I know I am not perfect and ready for the things at hand, but I am putting forth the effort and trying to get there. That is what we are asked to do. We just need to follow the counsel we are given even when we don't fully understand why. If we do the things that just seem so simple, like bath in the Jordan River, we will be okay and we will be prepared for whatever is next.

Time and Time again!

I love the little reminders in our lives. The reminders of why we are here, who we are, and where we ultimately want to end up. Last week I was able to talk to a really good friend of mine and I was so grateful for the added insight that she gave me.

We first discussed our first common trial, being single. It isn't bad that we are single both of us are actually enjoying it, but still deep inside we want to experience marriage. Like so many of us are told that our future companions are being prepared. Sometimes we just see it as there are things they need to do before they get to us, but she put a twist on it. Both of us have a unique talent that is sometimes overwhelming. We are special, chosen, unique, and precious daughters of our Heavenly Father. He knows what we need and since we are so special then He wants to make sure that our future husbands can be that for us. This goes on both ends the ones we will marry are also special, unique, and chosen sons of our Heavenly Father. We need to be prepared for them as well. This will make it so together we will be able to do the Lords work completely.

Second we talked about being grateful for our gifts and talents. Sometimes they seem so overwhelming and we wonder why me, but when we stop and really look at it we should be saying "THANK YOU!!!" I have thought about this the last few days and I can feel a new understanding. Heavenly Father trusts me so much that He has made it so His other children feel comfortable and safe in confiding in me. Not only that, but I can usually help them understand or see the answer that was there. Then from the things I am learning from others or helping them with now will help others in the future. That is something to be grateful for and feel blessed about.

Third we talked about not second guessing ourselves. We know how the Spirit speaks to us and so we need to listen to it. Even when others might say we are paranoid, naive, or being stupid we need to realize and take a stand for what we know. She laughed at me and called me soft because I started to loose the confidence I have had in my "gut". It was an eye opening experience that twice in the time we were talking I knew we needed to move, but it wasn't until she said something that I would agree and say I felt it too.

Throughout the conversation and as I have thought back to it in the time since I realize how cunning Satan really is. He wants us to feel alone, overwhelmed, and to have us put ourselves in compromising circumstances, but no matter how much he tries it is up to us. For everything that Satan throws at us there is something stronger shielding us. We can decide how we take the trials in our lives. We can choose to be miserable or we can choose to be happy. If we listen and ask for the help to overcome it will come. I have witnessed this time and time again. I am again so grateful for my Heavenly Father and the fact that He knows me completely. I am grateful for who I am and the chances that I have to be refined.

So the last couple of weeks have been difficult, but I wouldn't change anything about them. I was finally able to truly count the blessings in my life and see things from a better perspective. You see lately it has been easier to see the things that I don't have so I end up missing the wonderful things that I do have. I also had garbage once again fill my head ie fear, doubt, loneliness, and anger, but now it is cleared with joy!

This life is for JOY!!! That doesn't mean that it is going to be perfect or easy by our humanly standards, but it does mean at the end we will have greater joy then we ever expected. Isn't that wonderful and shouldn't that be enough to carry us through our weak human moments? Well I have decided for me it is going to be enough.

A great person once told me it is easier for me to choose misery then happiness. At the time I wanted nothing more then to punch him, but I didn't. As I reflected on this the next few days I decided it was because I was scared of being happy for myself. I didn't know how to truly be happy, but as times has past I have realized I don't know how to be anything but happy. Yes I did break down, but I realized I did because I was once again afraid for my happiness.

I don't know how to be depressed. I know how to get upset with myself for doubt and fear, but I don't let that overcome my life. Giving myself a day or two to recover is more then enough. Not only that, but now I know how to ask for the help that I need to make it through. I am so grateful for those who listen to the promptings of the Spirit and who genuinely care and love me. The fact that my Heavenly Father truly loves me enough to give me angels to help when I am falling and comfort to handle all that I need to do are the things that help me rejoice and smile! Life is to be enjoyed not just suffered through.