So the last couple of weeks have been difficult, but I wouldn't change anything about them. I was finally able to truly count the blessings in my life and see things from a better perspective. You see lately it has been easier to see the things that I don't have so I end up missing the wonderful things that I do have. I also had garbage once again fill my head ie fear, doubt, loneliness, and anger, but now it is cleared with joy!
This life is for JOY!!! That doesn't mean that it is going to be perfect or easy by our humanly standards, but it does mean at the end we will have greater joy then we ever expected. Isn't that wonderful and shouldn't that be enough to carry us through our weak human moments? Well I have decided for me it is going to be enough.
A great person once told me it is easier for me to choose misery then happiness. At the time I wanted nothing more then to punch him, but I didn't. As I reflected on this the next few days I decided it was because I was scared of being happy for myself. I didn't know how to truly be happy, but as times has past I have realized I don't know how to be anything but happy. Yes I did break down, but I realized I did because I was once again afraid for my happiness.
I don't know how to be depressed. I know how to get upset with myself for doubt and fear, but I don't let that overcome my life. Giving myself a day or two to recover is more then enough. Not only that, but now I know how to ask for the help that I need to make it through. I am so grateful for those who listen to the promptings of the Spirit and who genuinely care and love me. The fact that my Heavenly Father truly loves me enough to give me angels to help when I am falling and comfort to handle all that I need to do are the things that help me rejoice and smile! Life is to be enjoyed not just suffered through.
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